Wednesday, January 30, 2013
First of all, I really have to say a gigantic thank you. A thank you to all of the blogs, forums, mothers, and groups that I stumbled upon, met, and learned from when I was pregnant, and that have continued to help me now that my boys have arrived. I realize now how incredibly lucky I was, and am, because I could have stumbled upon a bunch of bullshit that would have left me clueless with two babies, but instead I became wiser and much more relaxed. I wouldn't be able to write this blog if it weren't for them...the babies would be crazy, I'd be losing my mind, and the only information I would have would be crap.
My giant thank yous go out to:
1. http://babybumpapp.com/user_sessions/new This site (which I used as an app on my phone) has groups for moms, dads, people wanting to become moms and dads, twin moms, teen moms, French moms, you name it. I was a part of the "twins and more" group for the last 12 weeks of my pregnancy and a little beyond, and I can't even begin to explain how helpful those women were. We were all going insane with multiple people getting big in our bellies, and we all did what we could to make things better for each other, often times in the middle of the night!
2. My mom friends that I knew while I was pregnant. You all listened to me lose my mind, and you did what you could to make me feel better. You guys prepared me with baby advice and baby toys. XoXo
3. The NICU nurses at SMH (well...the ones that didn't feed my children formula without my permission). They helped me learn that babies are not as fragile as they seem, and that burping like a trucker is totally normal, even for a five pound nine ounce baby. One of them is almost completely responsible for my breastfeeding success. She came to my room, she got my nurses to correct a pump issue, and she made sure I was doing everything I could be doing to give my gremlins the best that I could.
4. The BrEaST Beginnings group (and Allison for telling me about it!) and everyone I met at the Hollister Nurse-In. I might still be smothering my children with a nursing cover if it weren't for all of you. I'm also so ridiculously grateful for the company and conversation on long walks over the Ringling Bridge (and burpees underneath it!).
I don't just say that my babies are good. They are good. I go wherever I want with them. They do nap and eat well. I am able to work out. I tandem nurse. I cloth diaper. And I truly believe that it's all because I am relaxed. I'm not micromanaging their every diaper or taking their temperatures three times a day. They're eating, peeing, and smiling? Okay then, they're fine.
If you are a parent, or about to become a parent, and the information you're getting is making you more stressed out...STOP LISTENING TO IT. If you are worried about diapers and someone tells you to start counting or logging them, and then that ends up feeling like a chore and makes you more worried, how is that helping? If you feed your baby at 4am and you don't mind, but then someone tells you that it's wrong", tell them to kiss off. If you have twins and you think that maybe it will be best to feed them at once so that they can get synced up on schedules, but then someone tells you not to, get up and walk away, because that person doesn't have half a clue.
What I'm getting at is you have to get comfortable being a parent. You won't get that way following someone else's orders. You have to follow your intuition as a mom or a dad and do what makes you more relaxed, and what works for your family. It will happen eventually, but wouldn't it be wonderful if it happened before your child is in elementary school? If someone is giving you "advice" that makes you feel uncomfortable, don't take it. As parents we're all doing the best we can, and we seek advice to try to do even better, but honestly sometimes it really is better to just listen to your instincts.
I heard some absolutely horrendous tips given to a fellow twin mom earlier today, and my help or input wasn't solicited, so before I butt in and said what I wanted to (which would have made a scene), I got up and walked out. Maybe I'll run into her some time, and I hope she tells me that she stopped listening to crazy, unhelpful "tips" when I do, otherwise that poor woman isn't going to sleep for the next 18 years........