Sunday, April 7, 2013

Welcome to mommy-hood! Where nothing is good enough for other moms, your kids, and probably not even yourself!

Langston looking at Kingston, 5 months 1 week
I've sat at a dinner table and had my foot stomped on to shut up, and I've sat at others and been told how nice it is that "this lady speaks her mind." I have found that people educate themselves on the topics that are important to them. You have limited finances. How can you save money? You are going back to school. How do you do it? You're having a baby. What are the pregnancy milestones? Whatever it may be, if it's important to you, you learn it. Why the hell else would there be so may books about this stuff???

Well I haven't shared this on here before, but I will now, because it's relevant. I grew up with a hyper-conscious mom. Not just mom stuff, but everything. What's the middle east doing? What's going on in Africa? Why can't Americans smoke weed legally? Why do my children need dairy? What are the benefits and risks to vaccines? How does homeopathy work? At the same time though, she was drinking like a fish, smoking cigarettes, and seeing countless interchangeable therapists for bipolar, borderline personality disorder....or whatever else the current diagnosis may be.

I was given armor, I know this. I not only know the bullshit of a drunk mother with a mental disorder, but I know an entire childhood history of a drunk mother trying what's best, the "tree hugger" "crunchy" "granola" solutions. And I do not mean to put them in quotes like I don't believe in them. I cloth diaper, I breast feed, I kept my sons intact, I hate vaccines, etc., but I don't go about these things as she, and many mothers I've met recently do.

This is actually awesome. Reason? I watched her try to tell, explain, inform, scream. etc. her reasons for everything for 15 years under her care. I watched people literally hide from her, including grocery store baggers, sales clerks, and anyone else who had encountered her prior.

Lesson? You WILL NOT get anyones attention this way. You want to cloth diaper? Sweet. be a human and inform WHEN IT IS ASKED. You breastfeed? Fucking awesome. Your baby is lucky, and you know that. Will every baby be so lucky? No. But you can sure as hell give advice IF it's asked for, and you can even bake some lactation bread when it isn't. You are against circumcision? I feel you, I am too. But I have a lot of Jewish friends, and as I have to swallow it for them, I have to with my friends who do not believe what I do. I DO NOT agree with arguing with people to believe what you do. First off, you wouldn't like something shoved down your throat, and second, no one is going to be receptive of that kind of information.

Coming at these topics like some holier than thou asshole doesn't do anything, except make you look like an asshole. If you really have something to say, as I have many times, send them a personal email or Facebook message. The worst they can do is ignore you. Spouting conspiracy, and that is exactly what it comes off as, on a public forum for all of their friends and family to see it tasteless, tactless, and shows very little, if none at all, class.

You don't want to vaccinate your children? Okay. I understand and agree with that. I had a terrifying reaction to the Pertussis vaccine as a child. But look at your friends on Medicaid. Can they find a Medicaid AND a non vaxing doctor? It's really tough here in Sarasota, and we're known for being "open minded."

You cloth diaper and want everyone to follow suit? Awesome. Me too! But you know what I don't do? Shove that down every mom's throat. I usually get asked about doing it with two babies, and I talk about how much money it has saved me (because it has) and how the boys seem to prefer it. And you know what? I know 4 moms who have made the switch in the last month. I never once told them they were wrong before, I didn't tag them in posts, and I sure as hell didn't call them out because they were using Pampers. I simply lived my life, and they chose to try it out. And those that didn't? So what? How is it any of my business what works for them and their family?

I also think that a small change is better than no change at all. I recently posted a picture of some cloth wipes that I made at home with 10 minutes to spare and no trip to the store. I knew that the ingredients I was using weren't the best, but I knew that it was a start. I CAUGHT HELL, both on Facebook and off. Here I am swapping chemical soaked, non biodegradable wipes for cloth with a splash of 98% water, and I'm getting shit. I would argue that if I was thinking of doing cloth wipes and I saw my picture I might actually do it, and experiment and research solutions...because those ingredients are something ALMOST EVERY mom has at the house. Are they the best? No. Is that what I will use? Absolutely not. But is it better than the chemical infused, diaper rash causing crap at the store? Yes. If I posted a picture of not-likely-to-be-found-in-the-everyday-mom's-pantry ingredients NO ONE would do it. They'd look at that shit on Facebook and scroll on. I stand by my picture, my solution, and my reason. I simply wanted to share that many Earth friendl-IER/baby friendly products can be made at home with simple ingredients and limited set up.

I could yell. I could be crazy. But instead I choose to simply do what is best for my family, as you will for yours, and if it in turn helps, informs, or educates someone else? Then fantastic.

I'm doing things wrong according to someone, and you're doing things wrong according to someone else. That will never change. And 99% of the time what you do for your children won't even be good enough for you. Welcome to mommy-hood!

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