Thursday, March 6, 2014

Things People Without Children Would Never Say. Ever.

Things we have found ourselves saying as parents to our twins:

-Babe your boob is hanging out. (in public place)

-Babe come look at this diaper!

-No baby, please don’t eat your brother’s poo.

-Please don’t lick the diaper.

-Let’s pick up our clothes and not eat the cat food.

-Don’t look now moms got her boobs out, showing everyone in town! (dad being funny..Rodney Carrington)

-I am pretty sure your brother doesn’t want to taste your foot.

-Okay maybe he does. I stand corrected.

-You are going the right way for a nap till bedtime

-He pooped a single blueberry!

-Let me check your bum for poop.

-Oh man, one of you pooped. Never mind. Both of you.

-You have worn 34 shirts today. Seriously.

-Yes, strawberries are supposed to be thrown at mom and dad. Exactly right.

-Dad is going to trade you for a puppy….

-Oh you think you’re cute? Okay, you are. But I’m still upset.

-Yes, climb rocks up to the tallest slide and try to kill yourself. Stellar idea.

-What’s wrong? Oh, nothing? Nothing happened again? Dang. Nothing always happens to you.

-Why are you sad? We’re at the park playing. Oh, because we are at the park playing? Dang.

-I agree. Cottage cheese tastes amazing eaten off of the floor. Keep throwing handfuls.

-Don’t tell Dad’s friends he knows the Daniel Tiger Neighborhood’s theme song by heart. Please.

-Didn’t happen on my watch! (Dad to Mom)

-Yes. Slam your head into the floor because you are sad I didn’t let you play with scissors. Perfect response.

Please feel free to comment to add to this list for Volume 2!

1 comment:

  1. Oh, my first son was a head slammer to the floor until he did it outside on concrete one day. He never did it again after that!